Dr I Boylebodie's Glossop Horoscope 1 from Glossop's Premier Clairvoyant

Beware of the rain this week. It will do a lot worse than make you wet. Slippery pavements could be the ruin of you. In some aspects Coro­nation Street will mirror your life this week. Take care

Expect attacks by birds this week, and triple check all your medications and dosages before taking anything. If you’ve never tried gambling and alcohol, now is an auspicious time for it.

As usual, you can’t put a foot wrong this week. Take advantage of friends and neighbours and don’t be scared to tell people at work exactly what you think of them.

Cows and bulls present a significant threat to you this week, so avoid any form of beef and stay away from fields. Mackerel and other scombrid fish can be eaten with impunity, but flatfish are ill advised until the next full moon.

You are resistant to all infectious diseases this week, and fire cannot harm you. But the police can, and the chances are that they will.

Do not, on any account, spend money in any supermarkets this week. The more you patronise your local shops the greater your chances of surviving until Christmas. On the bright side, nobody can resist your sexual magnetism at the weekend.

You look good in green this week, and you may find you have extraordinarily good eyesight at the weekend. But identity fraud is on the cards, and you may find the culprit much closer to home than you expect.

Nobody will believe a word you say until at least November, so you may as well talk to the cat. Avoid dogs however, because they will not be your best friend this week. If you have ever wanted to steal a work of art, now is a good time.

There’s something nasty in the attic, and it’s coming to get you. Maybe you can nail the hatch closed, but you’ll be much safer taking refuge in a place of worship. Don’t forget to take some warm blankets, because it might get really cold. This is an ideal opportunity to learn a musical instrument.

It’s work, work, work this week and you might find that you feel as if you have been sold into abject slavery most of the time. In fact you have, and this is punishment for all the times in your life that you have been lazy.

Your lucky animal this week is the leopard, and your unlucky animal is the louse. Because you live in Glossop, the chances are you’ll likely to be seeing a lot more of the latter. Any fraud committed in last few years is likely to home back to haunt you on Tuesday.

A DNA mix up will cause you considerable distress and inconvenience this week, but a stiff upper lip will see you through the worst of it. You can do no wrong in the kitchen at the moment so experiment wildly and amaze the “family”.

Doctor Boylbodie is the pseudononym of a local fortune teller who “tells it like it is”. All predictions for entertainment purposes only and neither Dr B nor the Glossop Gazette will take any responsibility in the event that advice is followed or events do not occur as predicted.

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